I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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