How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
