who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you bring me the toilet please
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
