All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
