I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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