ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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