Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
