I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
