You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How external is "for external use only"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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