I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
