Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
