i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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