sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
