I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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