Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
