Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
