I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
