I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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