i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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