just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
