Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
