Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
