I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
