yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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