I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
