R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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