dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
