We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
