North Korea, Best Korea!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
