jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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