u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
