I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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