i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
