Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he told me I talked like a deaf person
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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