I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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