pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
