hotel room ftw
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
operation have a gay friend backfired
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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