Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
