I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
