So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
