You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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