I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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