Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
