OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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