This girl is more easily done than said...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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