you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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