But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
