Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here