Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

(253): View more from Washington

Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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(541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp

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(847): View more from Illinois

she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom

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(847): she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/dcxm

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(309): I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS http://tfl.nu/kfbo

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(904): View more from Florida

i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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(904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow

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(860): i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow http://tfl.nu/61vx

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(785): View more from Kansas

i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up

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(785): i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up http://tfl.nu/4wl0

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(512): View more from Texas

When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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(512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.

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(412): You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it. http://tfl.nu/867s

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(419): View more from Ohio

You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Um. I literally have no words.

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(419): You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service. (1-419): Um. I literally have no words. http://tfl.nu/ua9g

Replies (3) Good night (1849) Bad night (726)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"

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(781): Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade" http://tfl.nu/du64

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(517): View more from Michigan

I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.

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(517): I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/jhvn

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.

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(+44): I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/4b20

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(209): View more from California

Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!

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(209): Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!! http://tfl.nu/rqsa

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(831): View more from California

I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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(831): I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible. http://tfl.nu/g067

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(757): View more from Virginia

So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.

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(757): So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied. http://tfl.nu/fpwe

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