You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders