Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"

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  (402): apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy" http://tfl.nu/lm9p
  Replies (20) Good night (5258) Bad night (707)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized

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  (541): does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized http://tfl.nu/g99b
  Replies (12) Good night (3763) Bad night (1002)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

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  (702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55
  Replies (11) Good night (4848) Bad night (1537)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.

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  (206): After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team. http://tfl.nu/bf8i
  Replies (12) Good night (4053) Bad night (963)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  thats the international knock for joint time

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  (423): you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell (901): thats the international knock for joint time http://tfl.nu/xbry
  Replies (7) Good night (4151) Bad night (869)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married

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  (314): My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/9bud
  Replies (11) Good night (716) Bad night (2164)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.

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  (479): The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now. http://tfl.nu/1qaa
  Replies (4) Good night (1698) Bad night (511)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him

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  (516): He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him http://tfl.nu/fil7
  Replies (10) Good night (941) Bad night (484)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes

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  (770): Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/v27r
  Replies (13) Good night (1308) Bad night (496)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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  (478): I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions." http://tfl.nu/mmu9
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (268)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good

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  (757): You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good http://tfl.nu/ql8q
  Replies (8) Good night (653) Bad night (265)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class

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  (204): She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class http://tfl.nu/61qs
  Replies (8) Good night (525) Bad night (298)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..

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  (801): I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore.. http://tfl.nu/1hum
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (200)
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  (530): View more from California

  He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.

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  (530): He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette. http://tfl.nu/s1hb
  Replies (3) Good night (243) Bad night (470)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.

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  (541): His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son. http://tfl.nu/6u89
  Replies (11) Good night (608) Bad night (151)

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