just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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