well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.