I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit