They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
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She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.