New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
