That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize