Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
