Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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