How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
