remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
