sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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