we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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