youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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