I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
