remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
