I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
